


Fiat Money

by Stations



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action, All Ninja are Scary, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Neglect, Exploring the Inner Workings of Chakra, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Idate Tries (and fails), Idate isn't that powerful and he resents it, Idate vs Fatalism, Idealism, Introspection, It starts off fairly light hearted, It's really an OC-Insert, Murder, Not A Fix-It, Self-Hatred, Self-Insert, Snark, Suicide, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Terror, The Team 7 "All Families must Suck Ass" Rule, The Worst Kekkei Genkai, The tags make this look so much darker than it is, except WORSE, first kill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-24 07:54:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13209321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stations/pseuds/Stations
Summary: Crack open one 17-turned-six year old boy. Pour in a liter of horror and 1/4 cup of self-doubt. Dump into a pot full of violence and aggression. Sprinkle in some mental breakdowns. Mix well. Simmer until one Idate Akita is done.Serve along side two teammates, one teacher, and knowledge of the future.(An OC is reincarnated into the Naruto world and finds that the Stations of Cannon are seriously, truly the worst.)





	1. Prologue: Morning

The first morning I spent as a six year old for the second time over was a strong contender for the worst day of the first year of my second life. This is not a thing I say lightly, considering there were a number of strong contenders. However, the morning in which I became Idate Akita is definitely up there.

Aside from sharing a name with a breed of dog, a daimyo from real-life feudal Japan - you'll see why I included that distinction in a moment - and several football players, Akita was also a six year old boy living in a room that wasn't mine.

Until that day, anyway.

When I awoke on that morning, I immediately sat up - an unusual event, at least for me - and noticed that the entire world was completely, irrevocably wrong. Not morally wrong, no, physically wrong.

It was like looking through a very strong fish-eyed lens, or putting on glasses with a prescription way too strong for even me (which, trust me, is saying something.) The world had shifted around me - objects directly in front of me appeared enormous and wide, while the ones further away from me appeared bent away from the center of my vision, and had become so tall that they were close to unrecognizable. I had honestly thought I was still dreaming, considering just how... strange it all ways.

Furthermore, I've never been one to feel nauseous from motion, but when I got out of bed that unfortunate morning every step I took made me want to vomit out everything that had ever entered my body, which would become deliciously ironic soon.

Actually, delicious is perhaps not the best adjective...

It wasn't long before the fish eyed lens began to dissipate - everything around me, in the course of just a few seconds, began to alternatively grow or shrink depending on where they were in my vision. For a few moments after, I was even more disoriented as I had been before, until the effect finally subsided and I was able to actually see what the hell was going on around me.

Or rather, get to notice what other ways the world was wrong - though a more accurate description would replace "wrong" with "suspiciously similar to the internet's description of acid trips."

My legs felt like they were way, way, too long for my body, despite the fact that they clearly weren't, because everything around me was giant by comparison.

Lamps fucking _towered_ over me, drawers were far wider then they needed to be, and I barely reached the top of my bed, which must have been more than twice as long as I was.

In fact, the proportions of everything in my room looked suspiciously similar to that of a somewhat short six year old... for what reasons, the world may never know.

In some futile attempt to comprehend "The Mystery of the Giant Room," I began walking around my room, searching in random cupboards and drawers in an attempt to... I don't know, find whatever drug was doing this to me and reverse engineer it? I wasn't exactly thinking clearly at the time.

In the front of my room, in the corner opposite to my bed, were two doors - one right on the wall right in front of me, and one to my left. I decided to start with the right in front of me, grabbed the doorknob - which was, by the way, eye-level! - and opened it up.

Inside was a bathroom, enormous as usual. In it was a toilet, a bathtub, and, right in front of me, a sink with a mirror directly above it I was far too short to see.

I'm still not entirely sure what exactly was going through my head at that moment. Did I think that by looking into the mirror I would see the truth reflected back at me like I was suddenly inside a Harry Potter knock-off? Maybe a part of my subconscious already knew the truth, and was yelling at my brain "Get on with it!" so loudly that it just gave in.

For whatever reason apparently beyond the comprehension of man, I put my hand on the sink and pushed myself upwards with all my strength, placing one of my feet on the bathtub to the side, and then raising my second one and placing it down on the bathtub, too.

It took all I had not to fall off, and whether that says something about the... slipperyness of the bathtub or my personal agility and dexterity, I'll leave it up to you to decide.

(Hint: it's the latter.)

Anyway, as I positioned myself on top of the bathtub, I leaned over and peered into the mirror. I noticed two things.

One, my face was not my face. It was the face of a young, Japanese child with strangely untamed hair. Two, in the back of the room was a window I had missed. Outside of that window was four large, stone faces, peering down at what appeared to be a large, pre-industrial village.

I wasn't a very active Naruto fan, but I knew all the plot points, and I read the wiki every once in a while. I had watched the show practically religiously when I was younger.

Those four face were definitely the faces of the four fucking Hokage from everyone's favorite dictatorship.

I was, apparently, in the Village Hidden in the Leaves - Konoha.

Luckily, the sink caught most of the vomit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Edited on 1/24/2018.
> 
> The other one of these I did seemed to be fairly well liked, despite being super awful and having literally one chapter consisting of less than 2000 words. In response I decided to create a new, hopefully much better one.
> 
> Generally, the start of all of my stories tend to be much weaker because my premises aren't usually based on them. However, I wanted to see if people were at least interested in my writing style, and so Chapters 1, 2 and 3, were basically created over the course of like two days, and were around 4000 words of writing ranging from meh to "Oh my god that line is so bad I have to change it, I have to change it, Jesus Christ!"
> 
> So, while I was writing Chapter 5, I decided to come back and edit the first three chapters of this story to make them at least slightly more appealing, and update them at the same time as Chapter 5. It still isn't great, but it's definitely better than the original Prologue.
> 
> Leave a Kudos, a Bookmark, or, preferably, a comment with constructive criticism if you enjoyed this story. Leave a comment even if you didn't enjoy this story and tell me what I can do better. Thanks!


	2. Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idate learns about doubting the government, parents, and Child neglect laws.
> 
> Not necessarily in that order.

About an hour had passed since the incident with  _that mirror_ and  _those stone faces_ as they will be forever known as in my mind. Unfortunately, I didn't go into a catatonic state from shock, and, as such, had to devise what is known as "a game plan." 

Here were the problem(s).

One, I didn't know anything about this body - my body, I suppose - or it's - my - family. How do I normally act? How do I speak? Walk? Jump around? Do I like to study? Do I study? What are my hobbies? What are my parents names?

You can see why the situation might call for a bit of a mental breakdown.

_Just... calm down. I sincerely doubt this bodies first occupant randomly started screaming in the morning._

Two, what the hell was I suppose to be doing today? I don't exactly have a daily routine to follow, so what exactly am I suppose to be doing right now?

Unfortunately, there was only one way to find out - going downstairs. 

_No time like the present, I suppose. Better I meet them on my terms than theirs._

I opened up the door to the hallway, took my first step out of my room, and began to wander downstairs.

 

' _I'll just say I'm feeling sick. I know what feeling sick looks and sounds like. Then I can ease myself in to the family and no one will ever notice... Probably._ '

* * *

 

As I arrived downstairs, I looked around the living room for any signs of life. The walls, like the rest of the house, were an earth brown. There was a green sofa and a matching chair, along with a large rug, and a table with three chairs.

As I far as I could tell, there wasn't even a fly in the room, much less a set of parents.

The same was true of the kitchen, a relatively small, spotless room with a tiled floor, some cupboards, and some normal kitchen appliances.

The same was true of the downstairs bathroom. And the... guest room?

As far as I could tell, the only living thing downstairs was... me.

_Maybe me parents are still in bed... it doesn't look too bright outside, so it's possible my... er, situation, woke me up early?_

I decided to check upstairs. I walked all the way back up, which is fairly tiring when your legs are really, really short -  _I hate being... five? Six? Whatever. I hate being a small child already!_

There were still two remaining rooms upstairs.

The study was empty. And the master bedroom, which I took a small peak in -  _I have no desire to explore the room of some random adults I don't know okay?_ \- was, yet again empty. In other words, the entire house was totally empty of human life, aside from me.

So, in the end, it turned out my worries were for not, since I seemingly didn't actually have a family to trick.

Let me rephrase that - my new parents either left a six year old home alone, or just don't exist.

_...Hopefully it's the first one? Well, not "hopefully," exactly..._

"...Maybe they're just out shopping?" I said to myself. The words seemed to echo throughout the house.

No response.

"Yeah, shopping. I shouldn't jump to conclusions..."

* * *

 

In the several hours that had passed since I had come downstairs - one of which was spent waiting in the living room, while the rest consisted of me counting various household objects, because I have to occupy my time somehow, damn it! -  there was no sight of a prospective Mother or Father.

_Unless my parents are just really, really slow, I somehow doubt their out shopping._

On the plus side, I found a note that explains how to make toast! My parents may have potentially abandoned a small child, but they at least they can read, write, and presumably make toast.

_That's... a well rounded skill set! I mean, I can at least be secure in the knowledge my parents are definitely as intelligent as a first grader!_

_Actually, I might be a first grader. Oh god, do I have to attend_ first grade _? Am I going to have to relearn addition!?_

My new life was definitely off to an... auspicious start.

The toast was pretty good, at least.

* * *

 

 

I eventually gave in and fell asleep, sometime around 9 PM. My parents didn't come home before then. When I woke up the next morning, at 5:30 -  _why did this body's original occupant wake up so_ early _? Accept the wonders of sleeping in, child -_ I checked and then rechecked every single room in the house - once again only taking a cursory glance at the master bedroom, because who knows what the hell my parents keep in there? - and found, once again, not a single parent.

Furthermore, the house appeared to be  _exactly_ as I had left it the night before. It was safe to say my parents had not come home the night before.

Fucking wonderful.

_I'm gonna make some tea..._

 

* * *

 

_Okay, Idate. Let's recap. Your name is Idate, according to the sign above your door it took you an entire fucking day to notice you idiot, oh my god!_

_It's been 5 hours since you woke up. 5, long shitty hours. Your parents aren't still aren't home. The_ _tea was okay._

After those 5 hours passed, my patience had been worn so thin that I totally gave up on waiting for my parents, and decided to wander around trying to find _something_ to do, because all the books are in Kanji and I didn't learn enough while I was still alive, and _there's no internet what do people even do all day when they aren't exercising._

Really, I had never been the most patient person - it was honestly surprising it took me so long before I simply gave up on even bothering with parents.

_I can probably conclude that parents were not a big part of the former Idate life. They won't be a part of the new Idate life. I suppose that's the end of that._

_Except no, because I'm fucking pissed. Which is... strange - normally I'd still be angry, yes, but that anger should be mixed with heaps of tears and sadness._

Emotional strength was never one of my strong points - I mean, the first time I entered this world, instead of taking the normal Naruto route and like, shooting fireballs and fighting people to the death, I basically just vomited. I'm usually much farther on the pathetic side of the spectrum, rather than the badass side. Yet...

_Why am I just... pissed? Why don't I feel nearly as sad as I should?_

It was something to ponder while I waited for my "parents" to come home - I needed to occupy my time  _somehow_. 

* * *

 

 

In the hours after I gave up entirely on waiting for my parents, I did some psychoanalyzing -  _oh god, I'm turning into a fucking armchair philosopher -_ and manged to reach a conclusion regarding my feelings towards my parents... neglect?

I'm not sad that my parents abandoned me, because they didn't. Because Idate's parents may leave him alone for long stretches of time, and they may leave me alone for long stretches of time, but they aren't my parents.

They are the parents of the body I possessed, that I call my parents for convenience. 

 _The reason I'm angry is because... child neglect makes me mad. I'm angry on the former Idate's behalf._ _Now that I think about it... holy shit, the former Idate had a pretty sad life. Abandonment and possession by age six._

Anyway, I suppose this is... good, in a sense? I have the advantage of people giving me money, for free, until I die or become a legal adult, without any of the disadvantages of them maybe noticing I accidentally possessed their son.

_I suppose this is a "you leave me alone, I'll leave you alone" situation?_

I suppose good might not be the best word, though...

* * *

 

It was two days after I was... resurrected? Reborn? Reincarnated? Whatever - when I heard a loud  _Clink_.

My initial reaction was something along the lines of:

_What the fuck was that? Did the door just open? It's been like, 2 hours since I decided me and my parents were going to leave each other alone and they already broke the promise that they never made. Well, either that or it's a burglar, in which, case... go right ahead._

Out come two people - one man and one woman, tall - at least compared to me - both with dark hair. Their faces looked vaguely similar to mine - presumably because I had inherited my face from them. They were holding a key in their hands, so I, with some reluctance, crossed burglar off of the list.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god. Please don't tell me they're ninja or something, and can tell like, super subtle differences apart._

They both spared a glance towards me, and then walked up to their room, or... wherever they were going upstairs. I then crossed "ninja" off of my mental list too.

I very quickly realized they had no intention of breaking their non-existent promise.

Fun.

* * *

 

I can recite every conversation me and my parents had over the course of the two days after my parents arrived home. Not that they were particularly interesting, but well... rare things are special because they're rare, right? Imagine if these conversations were like that, but instead of being shiny gems they were just really boring rocks.  

 

The first conversation went something like this:

"Did anything break while we were away?"

"No."

"Okay. Good night."

(I was sorely tempted to break every vase in the house simply to spite them.)

The second was this:

"I'm making Tamagoyaki. Come down if you want some."

"Okay, I will."

The third was:

"This is a cookbook. You should learn how to cook for when we're away."

"Okay. When should I start?"

"Whenever you want to, as long as it doesn't interfere with my cooking."

(I burned that cookbook in the fire place.)

 The last was:

"Your Father and I are leaving tomorrow night. Remember to do your chores."

"Okay."

That was the extent of my relationship with my parents. I suspect I would have felt more offended if I had not very quickly realized that they definitely didn't dislike me specifically - rather, they both just seemed to be extraordinarily anti-social. They barely talked to each other, let alone me, and so I suspected it was simply the dullest marriage in the universe.

_It's probably a marriage of convenience. I find it more than difficult to imagine them ever loving each other._

I suppose, if nothing else (and she really was nothing else) my mother was a working woman. As far as I could tell, my mother and father were both equally dedicated to ignoring me and each other in favor of work.

* * *

 

The day my parents left, _again_ , I wondered how they had managed to avoid being arrested for breaking all those Child Neglect laws.

Had no neighbor ever noticed they left and then didn't come back for days at a time? Had Idate never told anyone "My parents aren't home, so you can't come over." and then his friend's parents heard about it and told someone?

_There's no way no one ever noticed that some six year old spent literal days at a time home alone._

And then I thought about something that would never even occur to me, because it seemed so absurd - Konoha wasn't  _that_ primitive, after all. Really, it was the kind of thing a particularly intelligent child would wonder about before asking their parents and accepting it as a fact of life. It just... was. So naturally, I had taken me almost an hour to ask the very simple question:

 _Did_ Konoha have Child Neglect laws to break?

At first, I had concluded that there weren't any, simply because of Sasuke and Naruto, and pretty quickly gotten more than a little pissed, but then I reconsidered.

But those were special cases- perhaps the Jinchuuriki and The Last Uchiha were exceptions to the rules, rather than the norm? Surely I couldn't use two people so exceptional as evidence that there were no laws at all, right?

I decided to resolve this mystery by utilizing the most mythical power on all the planets - reading - or asking, at the very least. Luckily, literally a block down

and decided to go there and ask a paperwork Ninja about Child Neglect laws, assuming that the Ninja there would at least know about such major laws, if not have a fairly in-depth understand of their application.

It took me around 2 minutes to reach "The Public Court" - _that's such a dumb name, why is everything in this village named something like "The Academy" or "The Public Court"  -_  on account of my short legs. After the grueling journey, I reached the building where the mystical treasures known as "laws" were presumably kept, and walked inside.

Upon my arrival, I walked up to the paperwork ninja at the desk - probably someone from the Genin Corps. The ninja seemed at least willing to indulge me - I suppose I was a change from... whoever normally walks into "The Public Court."

I asked him if he knew anything about Child Neglect laws. His face immediately contorted into something like confusion, followed by pity.

I was not given any information about Child Neglect laws.

Because there was no information about Child Neglect laws to give. Because there were no Child Neglect Laws.

_I hate this fucking village._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Edited on 1/24/18
> 
> Of the three chapters I posted, this one was definitely the worst. I had still been flipflopping about how to use tense and the result was a lazy mixture of stuff converted from tense to tense, meaning it had no flow, looked super lazy, and was all around bad. It still isn't that great, but it's hopefully at least a little bit better, and little bet less of a slog. Honestly, it was way more painful to edit than the Prologue, because it took so much longer since every single thing had to be edited and re-written. It was, and probably always will be the chapter I find it hardest to write.


	3. Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idate tries to learn about leaves.
> 
> Specifically, about controlling them.

The day after my, er... caretakers left, I realized that I actually didn't know what I looked like too clearly. My memories of the day I was reincarnated were hazy - and I hadn't exactly been sound of body at the time.

Sound of mind was... debatable.

I had yet to enter  _that_ bathroom since I had been reborn, instead using the one downstairs, but there was no mirror in that room. There might be one in my parent's bathroom but...

I had quickly and vehemently decided that going into my parents room and checking in their mirror, if they even had one, was absolutely out of the question. 

I had no desire to learn what my parents did in their free time - ignorance was _usually_ awful, yes, but... occasionally bliss.

I knew I would have to enter _the_ _bathroom_.

* * *

 

Upon entering, I found that _the bathroom_ wasn't nearly as traumatic as I expected. It looked like I wouldn't have to ritualistically avoid my bathroom from now on, which was good, as I doubted that had been a habit of this body's previous occupant.

Yes, my parents might not have cared about me much - or at all, really - but even they would still notice their son using a bathroom he never had before, at least as long as they wanted to use it at the time.

Climbing up onto the bathtub yet again, with far more grace - at least I was getting better at _something_ - I had stared into the mirror... and found that I was... average. My face looked like that of a child, as you might expect - round, soft cheekbones, large eyes, etc, etc. Really, the only noticeable feature was my hair, and only because it looked like I had terrible bedhead. It was short, but uneven in places, with small, shallow points pricking up all over my head.

If nothing else, I would have blended in inside a crowd.

I decided that now was as good a time as any to do some measurements - and, after a few moments, learned that I was 96 centimeters, and 20 kilograms.

I was quickly realizing living in America was going to bite me in the ass.

Damn imperial system.

I recalled that a centimeter was, what, 0.4 inches? So that would be around... 3'2.

_Damn. I'm short._

I knew that a kilogram was 2.5 pounds - at least I was sure about  _something_ in the metric system - so doing a quick conversion gives me 45 pounds.

_I'm really light, too._

Being a tiny child sucks. You're short, and weight practically nothing, so you're effectively at the mercy of anyone over the age of 13 unless you have chakra at your disposable.

Plus your muscles are so underdeveloped if you try to punch something you're more likely to hurt your own hand.

Being so useless is _miserable_.

* * *

 

As I was going to bed that night, I heard a weird...  _thump._

At first, I got up, thinking it was coming from the door.

But then it came again!

_Thump. Thump._

I quickly realized that I wasn't  _hearing_ anything - I was  _feeling_ it! It was coming from my own body!

"What the hell  _is_ that?" I murmured.

It didn't take long to find out.

 _Wait. Weird_ _feelings coming from inside my_ body _... my_ body _..._

You think it would be easy to recognize - strange energies I've never felt before coming from my new body. In the  _Naruto_ world.

_Is this Chakra? Are you suppose to feel it like this? Wouldn't this be... distracting?_

I could feel every little pulse, when I focused on it. It was a sensation foreign enough that I could tell minuscule differences apart, as long as I was actually paying attention.

Honestly, I was more suprised I didn't hear it earlier, considering how... distinct it was as soon as I noticed it was there!

I was quickly caught up in the moment - Freaking _Chakra,_ how cool is that!- that I made an... irrational decision.

I remembered an exercise from the show where you made a leaf stick to your head. Surely, I could do that. When I focused, I could probably direct the Chakra inside me, tell it where to go. All I had to do was direct it to my head, right?

I pushed the covers off my legs - I had gotten back into bed after realizing just what was... inside me, which sounds very, very strange with no context - and scrambled to the window at the back of my room.

Pushing it open, I reached out as far as my annoyingly tiny arms could, and grasped for a leaf on the tree outside. It took a moment, but I managed to snatch one close to my window.

I stood straight up, put the leaf on the top of my head, focused on the inside of my body and tried to grab the chakra, push it to where I wanted it to go. It was like grabbing a liquid - I was getting small amounts, but they just fell out of my... metaphorical hands as soon as I tried to push. Frustrated, I tried a different tactic.

Clearly, trying to... grab the chakra, which sounds really stupid as soon as you think about it for a few seconds, wasn't going to work. If I couldn't push a liquid, perhaps I could just... direct it?

I imagined the blue rivers inside my body flowing up towards my head. Up, up up...

Slowly, I began to feel a sort of weight at the top of my head - like it was ever so slightly denser then the rest of my body. It was working!

I let go of the leaf, and...

It immediately ripped apart. My chakra hadn't stuck at all - it had just put pressure on the leaf. Confused, I put my finger at the top of my head, and immediately felt chakra pushing the tip of my finger in all directions. It wasn't anywhere near strong enough to even hurt, really, but it could definitely rip apart a leaf. I had focused chakra into one point, but all it did was rush out violently.

Annoyed, I tried again. Figuring imagining my chakra as a river had worked, I tried to think of it as a sticky, syrupy... substance, concentrated at my forehead. I grabbed a new leaf and put that on the top of my head. However, it simply ripped apart again. Directing my chakra? I could do that. Actually  _doing_ anything with it is a different story.

I tried new strategies for another 15 minutes, but in the end, nothing worked. I quickly felt exhausted - using chakra took a lot out of you. Frustrated, I resolved to clean the mutilated remains of the leaves in the morning, got back under the covers of my bed, and fell asleep in what couldn't have been more than 20 seconds.

* * *

 

The next morning, after dumping the remains of leaves I murdered outside my window, I vowed to not rest until I found the secret of Leaf Sticking no Jutsu. 

Or until I had to rest - whichever came first.

I decided the best place to learn how to make my chakra... stick... would be to read a book, since the internet, unfortunately, didn't exist yet. I knew their was a library in the Academy, but I was pretty sure it was only open to students, and I didn't want to get on the Naruto equivalent of a government list.

Assuming that they existed - after my last, er, adventure into Konoha, I learned that the legal code was not one of the village's strengths.

I decided to see if there was a civilian run shop that sold books on Ninjas. I knew that nothing of the sort would exist for any real jutsu, but surely there were one or two on Chakra Control exercises?

I went to my parents room, which I had truly hoped I could avoid for the rest of my life, but, alas, it was not meant to be. Luckily I didn't find anything that might scar a real child, or me, but I did find  exactly what I was looking for.

Money.

It was morally wrong, yes, but I doubted my parents would notice, and they weren't exactly upstanding citizens themselves, so I decided to consider this compensation for their lack of care.

I grabbed 500 ryo, which I knew was around 45 to 50 dollars, and ventured out into Konoha.

* * *

 

When I had gone looking for... _"The Public Court."_ , it hadn't exactly been hard to find, what with it literally being down the block. However, their were no large buildings next to my house dedicated to simple jutsu for Academy students, and so I had to do a bit of research to find what I was looking for.

Luckily, I found a guy selling cheap maps of Konoha just down the street from my house. It cost me 80 ryo, but I got what I needed. Unfortunately, the closer of the two shops I had found selling books and gear to Academy students, Kamakura's Budding Shinobi Wares - clearly, marketing wasn't one of their strong suits - wasn't anywhere near large enough to simply eyeball and then walk, especially in a village of what looked to be tens of thousands, maybe more. 

I eventually reached Kamakura's - it would normally be a 15 minute walk from my house, at maximum, but it took me longer, considering my short stature and the few wrong turns I made - and I quickly walked inside. There was a man, probably in his forties, at the register. When I walked into the store, he informed me that he was the Kamakura responsible for both the creation, and, I inferred, unfortunate naming of this store.

There was no one else in the shop - probably because it was winter break - so Kamakura focused all his annoying attention on me.

I quickly learned life is so very hard when you have to justify all of your mostly unjustifiable actions to others. And so, I was forced to turn to... lying. 

_Forgive me lord, for I have sinned._

I said, in the most bubbly voice I could without it seeming totally unbelievable, "Um, excuse me, Mister? Do you know where I could find a book on, uh, simple chakra control practice? Like, the Leaf sticking jutsu?"

I overplayed my immaturity a bit, but it worked.

Kamakura's voice was loud. "Well, I would tell you, but I couldn't sell something like that to a kid like you! That's for Academy students - you know, people trying to become Ninja!"

I quickly realized that I was never going to convince Kamakura to just sell me the book - or treat me like an actual human being, capable of thought, so I knew I would have to wing it.

"Well, uh, it's not for me! My big brother's birthday is coming up soon, and he just entered the Academy, so I wanted to get him a book to help with his Chakra Control. He was talking about the, uh... Leaf sticking jutsu? I don't remember it's name..." 

I had never considered myself a very good actor, but... "Oh, it's for your brother? Well then, I suppose I can make an exception and sell this book to you. Hear, let me look for it... Ah! I found just what I believe you're looking for. It's called 'Chakra Control for the Average Student.' It should tell you all about the Leaf Concentration Practice, which I'm pretty sure is what you're talking about."

Hook, line and sinker. "Oh, thank you! I'm sure my brother will love this! How much is it?"

"Well, normally I'd charge 250 ryo for this book, but since you're getting it as a birthday present, I'll give you a very special deal - I'll give this to you for just 200 ryo!"

I felt kind of bad, but, they say not to look a gift horse in the mouth... "Thank you so much!" I spent a moment fishing around in my pockets, and pulled out 200 ryo. "Here you go!"

It was all going so well too, until this came out of Kamakura's mouth. "By the way, what's your brothers name?"

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit._

I knew I needed an extra moment to think about it. "Sorry, Mister, but what was that? I didn't hear what you said..."

"I asked you what your brothers name was. I'll try to be more clear, kiddo." I barely resisted cringing, because ugh,  _kiddo_ , but at least he said it extra clear - meaning extra slow - that time. It was just enough to come up with a name for my fake older brother.

"Oh! My big brother is named Koyomi, and he's really strong! He says he's the best in his class!"

"Koyomi, huh? I haven't heard that name before. Has he ever come to this shop?"

 _Fuck._ I had never been someone who lied all that often, but I still knew the golden rule - the less information you give out, the better. The more info you give, the more likely you'll say something contradictory.

"Um, I don't really know. He hasn't mentioned it before, though he talks all about the Academy!"

Luckily for me, he bought it. "Well, tell him my shop is open whenever he wants to study up, or get some Kunai or Shuriken, to practice with, okay?" 

"Okay!" I turned my head over to the clock, and pretended to be suprised. "Sorry, mister, but I gotta go! My mama said I needed to be back soon so she could help me wrap the gifts! Bye bye!"

As I started to run out of the store, Kamakura called out to me.

"Bye bye, kiddo. By the way, what's your name?"

I was far enough away that I could pretend not to hear him. As I exited the shop, I vowed to avoid that store for the rest of my life, and ran home as fast as I could.

When I reached my house, I locked the door, slumped down behind it, and sighed in relief.

It was, up to that point, the most nerve-racking experience of my life.

And it was almost fun, too.

"Adrenaline is one hell of a drug..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Edited as of 1/24/18.
> 
> Hello, again, everyone. In contrast to chapter 2, by far the worst of these first three chapters, chapter 3 was by far the best! That means it didn't take ages to make it not terribad, and the edits were mostly minimal.
> 
> As always, kudos, bookmark, or comment if you liked it. If you didn't like it, comment and tell me why. Thanks!


	4. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idate fights leaves, his chakra reserves and himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably isn't any worse than the other three terribly rushed chapters, and enjoy the writing I edited while listening to Stealth by Soul'd Out on repeat. 
> 
> We're nearing the end for the set-up for the, er, real journey Idate will go on. That means you won't have to wait much longer for the beginning of a long string of chapters that will show you why I tagged this as "Not-a-Fix-It."

After the day's moderately terrifying experience had concluded, - thankfully, in success -  I giddily, decided to fulfill the urge that had led to it - learning the... Leaf Concentration Practice, and making leaves stick to my head.

 _As soon as my obsession with leaves passes, I'm going to need a better hobby_.

 _It_ is  _going to pass, right? I won't be developing a fetish anytime soon?_

I walked up the stairs like I was a kid from a painfully generic Christmas movie that had taken one too many cues from Home Alone, literally vibrating with energy and excitement - I looked and sounded  _way_ too much like the stupid Academy children I had always made fun of back when I had seriously watched Naruto, treating tools of murder like they were a PS4 - I opened the door to my room, jumping on to my bed and preparing to read.

I flipped to the chapter on Leaf Concentration Practice, which was honestly the worst jutsu name I had ever heard besides the monsters that the Fourth had come up.

The chapter was comparable in quality to a guide from WikiHow.

It wasn't exactly a John Steinbeck novel, though I suppose I shouldn't have expected much from a book written for literal seven-year olds.

"You need to push the chakra from your head into the leaf..."

_Make it the leaf stick to your head, instead of the other way around, huh?_

_That... makes sense, actually. A leaf is a small enough, and light enough object that you need much less friction, or... whatever chakra is, to make it to stick to your head. That would circumnavigate the loss of chakra from pushing it into the leaf, instead of keeping it in your body, so there would still be enough power to make the leaf stick. The chakra in my body swirling around the point of contact is too strong for the leaf to handle without ripping apart, but if it's contained within the leaf, it won't put any pressure on it. It might even harden it and make it more durable!_

Who knew the inner workings of jutsu could be so... surprisingly fun to think about?

I then immediately thought that I sounded a bit too much like a very young Orochimaru and decided to make sure that if I ever tried to experiment with jutsu in the future, it wouldn't involve either experimenting on humans, and it would be firmly in the legal category. 

Or at least have one foot planted in it.

I decided that there was no time like the present, and so immediately set out to completing the Leaf Concentration Practice.

Actually, that name is stupid, and so it shall henceforth be called "Leaf Sticking no Jutsu."

I grabbed another leaf from the tree outside my window, which I was getting almost sadly efficient at, and pushed up the small bangs on the top of my head, and repeated what I had done last time I had tried this jutsu - imagine the Chakra as a river flowing throughout your body.

_Breath in, out, in out, and imagine the chakra in your body directing up towards the top of your head, like a network of rivers all joining up at one point at your forehead..._

Considering how well the river metaphor was doing, I decided to put the leaf on top my head, without letting go, and imagined my chakra, instead of standing like a thin membrane on my forehead, flowing into the leaf and spreading like a river delta. 

I could  _feel_ the leaf, not just in the literal sense, but I could feel it's... life. It was like a small, faint warmth I was feeding with my own energy. I took my hand off of the leaf, and felt it stick to my head.

It felt... amazing. It was like having another being stuck to your head, which sounds creepy, but I could feel everything about it, like it was an extension of my own body. The chakra rushing into the leaf was like a bunch of sensory nerves. I had a deeper understanding of that leaf then I did anything else in the world. It was, for a moment, another limb attached to me.

I know that sounds very, very creepy but trust me, it wasn't. It was the most serene experience I had ever had.

The elation lasted for all of 3 seconds before I noticed myself getting tired, my breath becoming more erratic. I breathed in and refocused myself, but after 7 seconds, I felt the leaf slipping from my head, and sweat was beginning to flow from my pours around my body. By 10 seconds, the leaf was gently floating down to the floor, and I was drenched in so much sweat it looked like I had run a marathon in 103 degree weather. I walked over to my bed and collapsed on it - literally.

I raised my fist and slammed it down on my bed in frustration. Growling, - thought it must have sounded less than intimidating coming from a six year old that just exhausted himself with a  _leaf_ -  I rolled off of my bed on to my back and stared at the ceiling, knowing my bed sheets would get _drenched_ if I lay down on it. "Are you... fucking serious?" I gasped. "I can't go longer than..." I desperately inhaled another breath of air.  "10 seconds while making a leaf stick to my head!? Are my reserves that low!?"

The universe was obviously set on reminding me I was a very useless, very pathetic six year old child.

The universe was also obviously a dick.

* * *

 I didn't sleep well that night. Too many things on my mind - besides, even though I had only laid on it for a few seconds, a part of my bed was  _still_ drenched in gross sweat. I rolled on to my side, threw off my covers and closed my eyes, again. I managed to drift off, even as the chilly air ghosted across my skin.

* * *

So I was basically Sakura. High control, low reserves.

 _I could do worse_.

_If I have enough control to perform an exercise meant for people 2 years older than me - a long time for a six year old child, especially when it comes to education - then I bet that I could probably do a whole lot more than just sticking leaves to my head if I had more training._

And, Sakura could have been much, much more useful in the early Naruto chapters if she was willing to spend a bit less time worrying about Sasuke and a bit more time worrying about, you know, staying alive.

 _"B-B-But is it even worth it to live if I don't have Sasuke-kun by my side!?"_ I snickered, even as my mind wandered to... significantly darker thoughts.

What I'm getting at is there was kind of a lot of shit coming.

It's not like I could tell anyone about the future - "Hi, I'm actually a six year old that use to be 17 and also your world was a TV show and your entire village is going to be destroyed!" - but a  _lot_ of people were going to die. Like, to the point where WWI and II would look, percentage-of-population-killed wise, at least, like a minor disagreement.

And I knew exactly why, when, where, and how to stop it.

I, theoretically, could do something to stop or at least significantly reduce the scale of this upcoming war.

Logically, joining the Academy and becoming a Ninja was the wrong choice. It was extraordinarily stupid. It was the kind of thing that I would, in fanfiction, roll my eyes at because _h_ _oly shit do you want to get yourself killed? You are so fucking lucky you have Plot Armor, because you'd just be fucked otherwise_.

It put myself at risk of death at a very young age for an activity that I didn't personally find very fulfilling - though I had yet to murder anyone, so who knows? It might be quite cathartic - for the sake of a people I didn't know or really care about, and it probably wouldn't change a thing.

I didn't have magic eyes, or secret chakra monsters, or a super special jutsu technique that would change the tide of a war. All I had was good Chakra Control and knowledge that would weigh on me forever if I didn't do anything.

None of that mattered to my brain, who was blaring "You're letting people die!" at me like it was going out of style, because of course it was.

I had been raised in my previous life on the idea that not doing anything was the same as being complicit.

To allow a tragedy is to contribute to it, don't be a bystander, and all that jazz.

Though there's a slight gap in scale, challenge and risk between a bully and the worst war in either Earth or Naruto-world history.

So of _course_ I couldn't do the logical thing, because why would I be able to? Why would reason matter at all to my emotional mess of a brain?

In the Naruto world, 10% of the population either murders as a casual hobby or for a job. The death of others is expected - if you aren't a noble, you'll probably watch someone get murdered in your lifetime. Every single generation since the founding of the hidden villages had been in a war. 

The point being, my mentality was incompatible with the Naruto world, and with my situation even more so.

If, in this sad excuse for a civilization, you felt true compassion, pity, kindness, and then acted on it, you would probably die, because someone around you probably at least  _moonlights_ in murder, if they don't do it every other day, and who the fuck knows how they feel about the object of your remotely positive attention?

Better to just put your head down and run away from all of the sad, terrible things you see around you. Maybe if you're lucky you can pretend that you never saw them at all, or maybe you simply don't care.

And yet...

Curse my inability to distance myself from other's deaths. Curse my previous upbringing.

Curse my kindness - or rather, curse that I was too weak to suppress it.

"Oh God, - Gods? - my life is so fucked. So, so fucked."

* * *

My parents came back home 3 days after my experimentation with the Leaf Sticking Jutsu.

That night, I asked my mother if I could sit with them at dinner. She seemed momentarily suprised, but quickly realized that I was going to ask her for or about something relatively serious - it seemed she wasn't a business woman for nothing - and then told me she would set up the table for three.

When I went down the stairs around 6 pm, and sat at the dinner table, my father seemed momentarily suprised, but quickly lost interest in whatever he thought I was going to ask.

When I finished my dinner, I stood up, pushed my chair in, walked over to my mother and, got down on my knees, sitting in the  _seiza_ position. I had been practicing for the past 2 days, and was hoping it was good enough to convince my mother. Then again, who knows if she even cared?

Sitting in front of my mother, I simply asked: "Mother, may I go to the Academy?"

My mother turned to my father, who nodded in affirmation.

She nodded at me.

Then, my father spoke to me for the first time.

"I'll take you to the Academy to enroll tomorrow." It had been such a simply sentence, so easily said, with so little care. I suppose they had no reason to think about it much, did they? My head turned back to the floor, and I smiled self-deprecatingly. 

While I was walking back upstairs, a strange, bitter feeling rose up in my chest.

Something like betrayal. 

At the top of the stairs, I turned and looked back down at the bottom - no one had followed.

At the end of the day, I wasn't sure whether to thank my parents for agreeing so easily, or hate them for not resisting more.

I settled on both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pretty much pumped out the first three chapters unedited, because if I don't I quickly lose any and all will to write - horrible, I know! - so hopefully, this one, which had a few days to stew between my first draft and this edit, meaning I got to see all the terrible, awful mistakes, will be better.
> 
> For reference, the first draft of this word was 1162 words to this final drafts 2045.
> 
> It was missing most of the last section of this chapter, a LOT of detail, and the second section was very, very rushed.
> 
> Leave a comment telling me how much you like, hate, want to burn, etc, this chapter, and give me constructive criticism and all that stuff the good fanfiction writer I'm pretending to be is suppose to ask for.


	5. Enroll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After making what Idate is relatively sure is the worst decision he possibly could have - you would have to be an idiot to join a school that literally teaches you how to murder! - he decides to follow through and enroll in the Academy.
> 
> The day then caps off with a psychological horror story, because did you really expect anything else from the Naruto world?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously sorry for the delay, guys. I know it's been like... 3/4s of a months since I last updated?
> 
> To make it up to you, this chapter way longer than the others, at over 4,000 words (!!)
> 
> I know it isn't that long, but it is significantly longer than the others. Plus, I revised Chapters 1 and 2, and Chapter 3 should be fully revised by the end of the day. I would really recommend going back to Chapters 1 and 2 and re-reading them, because they are VERY heavily edited and should be a lot less... bad. Chapter 3 too, because some of the details of this chapter don't really make sense without the revisions.
> 
> If you're reading this chapter after the 24th of January, 2018, Eastern Time welcome!
> 
> As always, Kudos, Bookmark, or comment if you liked it. Even if you didn't like it, comment anyway!
> 
> Edit: Chapter 3 is now fully revised, though I really didn't change much. I was already happy with most of it.

As I brushed my teeth, I mulled over yesterday's events.

_Figures that instead of my civilian parents being some generic, anti-ninja, "No, you can't go to the Academy, being a ninja is wrong!"  fanfiction tropes, I get the mommy and daddy that just don't give a shit! Every difficult decision in my life is probably going to be up to me and I hate it already._

_And I wanted_ more  _autonomy back in my... first life?_

And, of course, one train of thought led to another until I was wondering how reincarnation even works, because in my first life I was the kind of 17 year old nerd that memorized all of the light-saber forms - meaning that my desire for irrelevant information close to insatiable.

 _So does it like... transfer souls between bodies? Souls apparently exist in the Naruto World, so I guess that makes sense, but... was the first Idate like, a small child with my soul but without my memory that just had his memories jogged, or was my soul just jammed into some random kid's body? And what about stuff about your personality determined by your brain? What about sexual orientation? Could I be straight or bi now? What exactly is contained within the soul? What even_ is  _a soul?_

My idle musings were interrupted by a loud call to come downstairs by my mother, which was rare enough to distract me from any thoughts about my possible accidental murder of a small child - _though that assumes that the former occupant of this body had been killed because I had entered his body, but perhaps it was the other way around_...

 _How_ did _I get here? I don't remember dying... maybe I got a heart attack, or something? It's not like I have a body to do an autopsy on._

My mother's called out, even louder than before: "Idate!"

I suppose I had never heard someone actually call me by my new name - I hadn't exactly had much companionship - it was a little strange, but at the same time...

I spat the mixture of toothpaste and water out into the sink -  _how does Konoha have toothpaste but no actual fucking legal code? -_  turned around, and walked down the hallway towards the stairs.

_Idate, huh?_

I mouthed the words as I took step after step down the stairs.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, a part of me felt that the name seemed to fit. In fact, I identified with it a little too strongly...

_Maybe a leftover from the original Idate? I don't feel as though I've been acting any differently, though..._

Turning my head towards the dining room, I found my mother setting plates of food down on the table - some kind of omelet? I was still adjusting to Japanese cuisine - and walked over, quickly pulling out a chair and grabbing my chopsticks.

Luckily, I had retained some of Idate's muscle memory, so using chopsticks, at least, felt intuitive.

 _It seems strange to call him Idate, though. After all,_ I'm  _Idate, right? I'll call him... Idate Prime. It sounds stupid enough that I'll probably remember it. He_ was  _the first Idate - maybe? - so it kind of fits._

As I brought the rice from the bowl to my mouth, I turned my eyes upwards towards my parents and observed them eat.

 

If I were to describe it in one word it would be... awkward. Every single movement was oddly... precise. I know that doesn't normally match with awkward, but everything they did just felt so controlled, like I was watching people who had done the same thing over and over and over and had found the most efficient way of doing it, and just stuck with it.

Every single person eats and walks and talks and moves slightly differently. They have their own little quirks built from years of, you know, being alive? So when you look at two people, side by side, you can see some of the differences between them simply from how they eat?

As far as I could tell, my mother and my father ate in the exact same way. Rather, they seemed like they had gone out of there way to get rid of anything that might make them distinct.

_They seem like they live to check off a bunch of boxes - they go through the motions, but it's so inorganic. So lifeless. Is this how they do everything - just going through the motions of being people?_

Was that where I - where Idate Prime - came in? Were we another box they had checked off?

They were suppose to get married, so they got married.

They were suppose to have a kid, so they had a kid.

It was almost enough to make me pity them - a pity tinged with disgust and hatred. How awful must it be to be so cold, so lifeless?

* * *

 After we finished our food, me and my parents sat stilly - well, they sat stilly while I fidgeted, torn between cringing internally and hoping my parents were interpreting my stare as the "Get on with it!" it was meant to be.

Apparently daddy dearest managed to get the message, because he coughed awkwardly, stood up, and gestured for me to follow him.

"Come on, Idate. The Academy is on the way to Papa's work for the day, but we have to go quickly."

 _I don't know why I expected my father to be bringing me to the Academy for_ any  _reason other than "It's on the way." Clearly, I didn't know him well enough, if I thought that he would go out of his way simply to sign his child up for literal murder school! We don't waste time on "families" or "children" in this household!_

I stood up to follow my father, and walked over to the front door, practically vibrating with energy. I wasn't excited about the "being a ninja" part of being a ninja, but the Academy? Presumably learning jutsu? I was sure that, at least, would be fun.

_I'm not letting the house's resident asshole ruin today for me._

As my father took out his keys, I turned to glance back at my mother. She was sitting down in the chair, hands clamped together so tight her knuckles almost looked white. My dad unlocked the door and pulled me out by the shoulder, even as I stared back at my mother. As he closed the door around my mother's frame, I saw her slump back down in her chair in what looked like relief just as the door shut.

No goodbyes were exchanged, obviously.

(Honestly, do you really need something _that_ obvious pointed out to you?)

* * *

The last time I had been in Konoha, I had been to excited over chakra - and too focused on making sure I didn't get lost - to really pay attention to the town around me. The time before that, I had been too disoriented, and, as I was coming back, too angry, to care about how nice Konoha's architecture was.

The streets around me were far more crowded then the last time I had been out - apparently Konoha was a lot more busy on Wednesdays then Saturdays - meaning it was taking longer to reach the Academy. I was content to simply stare in awe at the scenery around me - luscious greens blending into browns against tall, white buildings. It was a like a normal pre-industrial city, except poor people weren't starving on the streets, and manure wasn't running down the sidewalk. Certainly not the kind of thing a 21st century New Yorker like me in my first life would ever see.

The winters in Fire Country are calm - not hot, but certainly not freezing, and even in the cold, the trees around me were still filled with leaves of all colors. It was more like fall than winter, really. Even as the wind washed against my skin, it felt more like refreshing, cool air than the wind chill personified it usually feels like in the winter.

I was more than content to laze about, weaving in between markets filled with food that smelled like it would have been too expensive for me back in my first life, staring at strange buildings covered in bright tiles. It was probably the second most relaxing experience I had since I was reincarnated - though it couldn't beat the feeling of... making a leaf stick to you.

Plus, I noted as I plucked a red leaf off of a tree, it definitely annoys my father to "waste" so much time.

_I can't say my heart is bleeding for daddy's plight._

I was having the most fun I had had since I had been reincarnated, and I was getting it out of maliciously annoying my father. Really, is it so wrong to take pleasure in frustrating someone if that someone totally deserved it?

Unfortunately, while I was certainly fascinated with the strange architecture and mild winters of Konoha, my father decidedly was not. Apparently getting fed up with waiting for me to pick up the pace (coughing loudly is  _not_ subtle. Aren't you suppose to be a merchant, dad?) the best father of... whatever the year was, got fed up waiting, and effectively told me to hurry it up _or else_. A part of me almost  _wanted_ to find out what that  _or else_ would be.

However, I figured it wouldn't be a good idea to push the man's buttons directly, especially on the day he signs me up for what might be the only school in the village, so I quietly acquiesced. 

_I suppose I can always come back later, right?_

I took my hand off of the smooth marble of a building with a spiral staircase on the  _outside_ \- Konoha's architecture looks like a twilight zone version of our own  _-_ and decided to hurry towards the Academy. I was curious about exactly how admittance into the Academy is determined, anyway, and I would much rather explore the town without my father trying to "watch" over me.

* * *

 If the rest of the buildings in Konoha were a twilight zone version of a normal Japanese town, then the Academy was from a full on alternate dimension in which nothing made sense and everyone put  _random white pillars on the top of their buildings for no discernible reason._

From the outside you could see the Academy was split off into two sections - a lower, somewhat rectangular floor or two that had hallways winding off seemingly randomly in all directions, and a second section; a larger, circular top with a giant sign that said fire on it.

_Wait. How did I know that that was the kanji for fire?_

I must have stopped for a moment, because my father tapped me on the shoulder. Broken out of my stupor, I decided not to think about... whatever _that_ is, at least until I was done with whatever you have to do to be admitted into the Academy. I don't want my entrance into murder school ruined by kanji I shouldn't know, damn it!

Resolving to revisit the potential psychological horror story dwelling within my brain later, I took my first steps into the building that would hopefully be my... let's generously label it "educational facility," for the next six years of my life.

When you first enter the school, you would think it was almost normal if you couldn't see hallways and classrooms that clearly must have been protruding from the building, for some reason. 

 _Why not just build the classrooms_ inside  _of the building? For what possible reason could the Academy have been designed this way!? Is the answer just is "Because it looks cool, fuck you!"_

I would have explored the building a bit more, but my father wasn't too fond of that idea, and immediately grabbed my hand, dragging me towards the staircase even as I turned my head from side to side, stumbling all the way. We then began the track up on to the third floor, which was presumably the beginning of the administrative portion of the building. 

As we walked up the stairs - which, starting at the second floor, were definitely not designed for small children - I tried to soak in as much of the building as possible. I wanted to get as accustomed to the building as I could, so I hopefully wouldn't feel out of place as some random ninja did who-knows-what in an attempt to determine if I got to learn how to stab people until they stopped moving.

By the time we arrived at the third floor, which is where the dark magics of paperwork take place, my legs were sore from the exercise and my breathing was more than a little bit labored. I was obviously  _way_ too out of shape to be a ninja right now - what if I exhausted myself shooting fire, or water, or... wind... at one person so I couldn't stab the second? -  so I would definitely have to  _exercise_ before I joined the Academy.

_Ugh._

My generous dad gave me all of two seconds before he grabbed my hand and led me through the door. Upon entering the Academy, I was immediately greeted by Iruka, who was manning the desk. Decidedly _not_ a random ninja.

_I suppose this marks an important milestone, being my first cannon character and all. Achievement unlocked, or something._

Iruka smiled -  _it should look so much more forced for how shitty his job must be_ - and asked my father what we were doing there, and if there was any way he could help.

"Hello..." My fathers eyes glanced over to the hiragana on Iruka's desk. "Umino-san. Me and my son were wondering if we could enroll him in the Academy?"

"Of course! There are more than enough seats for..."

"His name is Idate."

"We'll just have to do a short interview to see if he can enter. It won't take long, so if you could wait here for a moment..."

"That won't be necessary. Idate knows the way home on his own."

A few painfully awkward seconds passed before Iruka replied.

"...Ah.  You'll still need to sign some paperwork, if he passes, so..."

"I'll just sign it now. You can discard the paperwork if he fails."

"...I see. Well, if you could just sign here?"

My father glanced over the forum and scrawled his name and some other tidbits of information on the piece of paper. He turned around and walked briskly out the door. Even as my eyes followed my father out the door, I saw Iruka glancing at me from the corner of my eye.

 As soon as I turned back, the interview began.

"Hello Idate-kun. I'm Iruka Umino."

Iruka, continuing this world's trend of all adults except my parents talking to me like I was a particularly intelligent gold fish, crouched down and asked: "We'll just have to ask you a few questions, okay? I promise it won't take long!"

I had to resist the urge to shudder at the idea that everyone would be talking like this to me for  _years_!

 _If I become a Ninja when I'm twelve, does that mean people will be talking like this to me for another_  five years!?  _What the hell am I suppose to do in the meantime if I can't converse with anyone except patronizing assholes and actual seven year olds!? No wonder Itachi trained so much..._

 _What if Itachi was_ also  _reborn, and just went crazy since he had literally no one to talk to but his asshole clan? The plot of Naruto, solved._

I decided to play the meek child in front of Iruka, at least until I was admitted. As quietly as I could while still being heard, I said, "...Okay."

Iruka either went along with it -  _I have no way of knowing how much of this is a test. What if every single thing Iruka says is scripted, and every single response I give is being measured? -_ or simply didn't care enough to bother to try to see through my act. Then again, if I were him, I wouldn't give enough of a shit to bother trying to tell if Kid x or y was actually meek or just putting on an act. It can't be much fun doing paperwork all day and being occasionally interrupted by  _Kiba_ or some equally annoying child. 

 _No wonder he's so patronizing - when your usual company is_ actually  _the human equivalent of_ _a particularly intelligent gold fish, I suppose it make sense to treat them as such._

Iruka led me down a narrow hallway into a small, beige room with a desk and a lamp.

 _This place could absolutely be an interrogation room from a James Bond movie... wait, what if that's the point?_   _I would probably feel suitably intimidated if I was a normal 7 year old that hadn't seen this movie cliche played out 87 billion times._

Iruka opened up the desk, and pulled out a piece of paper, a clipboard and a pencil. He angled it so I couldn't see what he was writing - either an evaluation or my answers, but who knows? - and spent a few seconds filling it out.

_I know this is probably designed to intimidate me, but it's kind of working..._

"Well, Idate, I have to ask you a few questions to see if you get to go to the Academy or not. Is that all right?"

I nodded my head placidly, and the questions began.

"What's your full name, Idate-kun?"

"It's Idate Akita." I knew that one from the mailbox helpfully labeled "Akita" in front of my house. _Thank god - thank the gods? The Sage of Six Paths? - I noticed that mailbox._

"How old are you?"

"I'm 6."

"What month and day were you born on?"

Luckily for me, I have a calendar on the wall next to my bed that I had flipped through a few days ago, and on 2/13, Idate Prime had helpfully marked the calendar with a little cake with 7 candles and a smiley face. I was at least 90% sure it was my birthday, but I had no way of knowing for sure.

_I really, really hope I interpreted Idate Prime's signs correctly or else I am super, super fucked._

 The rest of the ten or so questions were normal - what's your address, were you born in Konoha, does your family have a history of disease, any Ninja in the family before, a family history of crime, etc, etc - except for the last one. 

Suddenly, Iruka's voice and expression changed dramatically. He stopped smiling, and his face became far more stern - I now see while all his students got terrified of him whenever he got pissed, because  _holy shit_ \- and his voice no longer carried that kind, almost parental inflection.

 _'A common intimidation tactic - suddenly switching from benevolent and kind to aggressive and cold._ ' I thought, even as my body froze up, and I internally told myself to do whatever the fuck Iruka wanted.

_I'm so, so stupid. I had thought Iruka was patronizing me, that he hadn't noticed that my meekness was an act. I hadn't realized he was setting me up for a trap, that his nice guy attitude was just to lure me in, and I walked right in without a second thought. I had thought I was too intelligent for Iruka, for Ninja, that I wasn't a child like the other applicants, that I didn't need to be patronized because I was a mature, strong, fucking 17 year old, and now I'm fucking shivering in my boots, because I had gotten so cocky I equated some random store owner and an actual ninja. And I had actually thought I was so much better than Kiba, that I wasn't arrogant or reckless, that I knew when to acknowledge that someone was stronger, smarter, better. I'm just some normal kid pretending they're self-aware._

I bit my lip so hard it bled. 

"Do you pledge to serve Konoha, it's Hokage, and it's interests first, even at risk of your own life? To sacrifice yourself for the goals of Konoha without hesitation?"

And I, like some newly proselytized sycophant, blurted out "Yes!" without a second thought, not missing a single fucking beat. Even Iruka seemed startled, though not nearly as much as I was.

_Wait - what the fuck did I just say!? I'm not some mindless fucking nationalist following my country, begging it to let me die for it's noble cause - I wasn't what you would call a patriot, even for the USA, so why am I suddenly attached to some backwater country I've lived in for a few weeks, at max!? Why am I suddenly fucking okay with pledging my life to a nation I shouldn't give a shit about?_

Iruka, impervious to my inner conflict - or, more likely, politely choosing not to acknowledge it - told me that my application into the Academy had been accepted, congratulated me, and sent me out the door, even as my mind whispered to me: 

You've  _only lived in it for a few weeks, but you aren't the only person in this body, are you?_

Any plans to laze about Konoha flew out the window before landing in a gory mess of bone and terror.

And so I ran home, dashed passed my mother, asleep in the same chair she had been in when I had left, climbed up the stairs, and shut my door behind me.

* * *

 I began to pace frantically around my room, walking back and forth in a futile attempt to calm myself.

"Okay, Idate, let's do this calmly. Rationally."

"Fact: You know kanji that Idate Prime might have but you shouldn't. Fact: You have retained some of Idate Prime's muscle memory. Fact: You identify somewhat strongly with the name Idate, and feel at ease within Idate's body. Fact: You may have retained some of Idate's  _fucking nationalism_."

_Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. Do not freak out. Purge the nationalism from your body. Purge it and burn it with fire!_

I threw off my shoes, even as I continued to systematically ruin my life with my own introspection, and sat on my bed.

"Addenum: Your Japanese, has, in retrospect, gotten significantly better as you spent more time in your body. Addenum: None of this was true when you first became Idate."

_Oh god, oh god, oh god. I'm not liking where this is going._

As I began to talk to myself, I leaned against my pillow and ran my hands over my face

"There are three possible conclusions - okay, let's stop talking like HK-47 from Knights of the Old Republic. - and none of them are especially nice. One, I am selectively obtaining Idate Prime's memory, at times of need. That already blurs the line between me and Idate Prime more than I would like to, considering their was no sudden flashback to Idate Prime learning the kanji for fire, meaning I have theoretically no way of knowing if a memory is or isn't mine."

_You don't have to do this you know. Just lie down, and go to sleep, and pretend none of this ever happened..._

"Two - Idate Prime and I are actually the same person, as I had theorized before. The fractures between us are beginning to heal as I slip in to his life - our life - so eventually our two personalities will be reunited."

Tears begin falling from my eyes, and voice starts cracking.

"Three - Idate Prime and I were always different people, but slotting myself in his body hasn't destroyed his soul. Meaning, it's still somewhere inside our body, along with my own. As a result of the close proximity between our souls, Idate Prime and I, just like all of the Tailed Beasts when inside the Gedo Mazo... are slowly beginning to merge."

I rolled on to my side, and stared at my door, still slightly open. I had slammed it way too hard, and it hadn't fully closed.

_It isn't number three. It isn't number three. It isn't number three._

"It isn't number three..." I murmur, even as I wonder exactly who was whispering to me just a few moments earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so closes the first arc, of sorts, at a solid 11,000-12,000 words. Coming up next is the first intermission, followed by the arc after that, which is actually the largest arc I have planned out so far, since it comprises the most time. I swear I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner. 
> 
> Also, the story basically delves straight down into sadness land in just a few chapters, so if you were expecting it to get any better...
> 
> (Don't worry about the increased chapter count - I forgot to include the intermissions because I'm stupid.)


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